Home..

I'm so glad to be home.. back in Massachusetts, where I belong. Well New England is where I belong. It was weird coming home, you almost feel a disconnect with reality. I'm still regaining my place in society again. It's painful but I'm getting back on my feet and putting my best face forward. No sense in looking back and wishing you hadn't done something.. I can't regret.. I can only learn from my mistakes and take them for what they taught me and what I need to do to get to where I want to be.

I need to start writing again.. in my own personal journals, not on this thing. I'm way more inventive with a pen and paper. I need to get off my ass and take photographs again. I drive by things all the time and just wish I had the energy to stop and wish I had my camera on me. I think after such a long trip and how many photos I took the ability to press a shutter button has dwindled from my motor skills. Haha. I am craving creativity to come back into my life. I just want it so much. I need to start painting again and drawing.. anything to get me feeling like me again.

On another note:
I have recently been building my music folder as well: here are some people or bands I have been feeling as of late:

Wilco-Sky Blue Sky
Chris Brown-Exclusive
Elliott Smith- New Moon
Misfits-Earth A.D.
Rihanna-Good Girl Gone Bad
Adele-19
Bon Jovi-Slippery When Wet
Coldplay-X&Y
Jason Mraz-We Sing We Dance We Steal Things
Rufus Wainwright-Poses
Rufus Wainwright-Release The Stars
Sia-Some People Have Real Problems
The National-Boxer
Zero 7-Simple Things
Zero 7-The Garden

I'm working on procuring myself some: VNV Nation, and VHS or Beta. I need a little color in my life. haha. Love it!

That's all I've got in me..

-V*Monstah-

the rest of the west... Nyaaarrr!

so we made it up the rest of the West coast-- from Sac-town ALL the way up to Seattle, WA. Then from seattle we drove back to my moms house in Idaho. I'm so sick of driving. I think if I was married to driving I would divorce it IMMEDIATELY.

So anyhow-- we're spending a couple days re cooping at the casa de mama. Having delicious home cookin' and sleeping in real beds. Probably monday we'll be driving off in two cars this time-- back to Cali. The boys decided that Sacramento might not be the place to be-- especially since prices have gone down in other places.. so we may be looking into something closer to the beach. Which-- all in all would be alright with me. I need to be near the ocean... Driving the coast was amazing-- the smell of the water, the huge crashing waves, the sun, the cliffs! All of it was magical.


to my dear Atlantic-- you're still the one for me. I miss you terribly..

that's pretty much all I've got in me right now.

-Veronica-

...I think about you everyday...

so.. we made it into California. Drove through San Diego on tuesday-- which was AWESOME! When we first arrived we ended up on Sunset Cliffs Blvd. Went directly to the Pacific ocean and stood on the cliffs and just were all in awe at how incredibly beatiful it really was. There was a farmers market, on Newport St., which only reminded me of home cause from the age of 4 till around when I was like 16 or something I worked with my mom at the farmers markets in Brookline and Newton selling flowers and soap. I talked to my brother Jon when I got there and he said to find a bar called Tonys-- and we did.. the boys needed a beer or two or three. So all four of us mosied into the place and played a little pool. It was a cool little bar. We stayed at a hotel that night, and Alex and I drove around a little by ourselves just looking at the city. It's beautiful at night too-- hills littered in lights and not really any sky scrapers aside from a couple we saw off in the distance.

The next day we drove through Laguna Beach, and the O.C. through Malibu and into L.A.-- we went to Venice Beach and walked around the strip-- sat for a while and watched some kids skateboarding. There was one kid who kept trying to do tricks on a flat rail and he couldn't so every like minute he was throwing his deck with impressive force. It was amusing... though I felt bad he couldn't land what he wanted to. We drove into Hollywood as well.. we would have seen where Eric used to live only it had since been torn down... wonder why? Cause it was a pretty crappy part of town. Haha. We went to some mall that night and ate at the California Pizza place( or something like that) .. The pizza was like 12 bucks and about the size of a Mr. P's personal pizza... it looked like it tasted like it too. Hah! That night we just kept driving till around midnight when we stopped at a little Inn and stayed the night.

the next day( friday) we drove more north up the 101 on the coast line along the cliffs and ended up camping over night at one of the many redwood parks. Then yesterday we drove up through San Francisco over the Golden Gate Bridge (!!! intense !!!) We didn't go into San fran-- bummer-- we drove until we hit Sacramento.. and now we're staying at the Governors Inn (hahahaha! Arnold!) Today we're going to dive around and look at a couple different apartments just to see what looks good.

..all in all... my feelings on California:

Dear California,
You're really quite beautiful. Your cloudless skies, and endlessly sunny 70 degree and up weather are really great. However-- I miss home-- I miss the clouds, and the scarf wearing weather.. and the rain. I miss the rain. Rain to me is a beautfiul experience..it is renewing and calming. It allows you to breathe, and it brings everything to life. It brings a quiet hum into my head that makes it easy to just be me. I will miss the rain most. Especially the summer rain. Summer rain is my favorite. It brings back good memories to my head just thinking about it. Summer rain is an experience better felt when you're in love.. I think. It slows everything down and makes everything feel like a movie scene. Every touch, every kiss.. every happy moment-- even just jumping in puddles is better. ^_^

But, California-- I made a choice and you were it. So despite my feelings of longing for that feeling.. I'll give you a fair chance to prove you're worth it. And if in the end you don't turn out to be what I need, or want.. then so be it. I can always.. go home.

Sincerely,


Veronica.

Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky

Another sunny day in Californ-i-a
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it

until next time..

Vegas BABY!!!

So since my last post I have-- Traveled south from Idaho, through Utah.. into Zion National Park-- stayed overnight. Saw my first ever red rock canyon. Then drove to Arizona- saw:

-Monument Valley.
-Sunset Crater Volcano.
-Petrified Forest.
-Painted Desert.
-Meteor Crater.

Today we drove from near flagstaff, arizona-- out to Nevada. Saw the Hoover Dam.. and now we're in Las Vegas BABY! We drove the strip earlier.. saw things like Caesars Palace, and MGM, The Venetian, Trump tower... The Graceland Wedding Chapel (Elvis hahaha) lots of strip clubs, tattoo parlors, and wedding chapels. The strip is amazing... I can't wait to go walk around it tomorrow night. Caitlin comes tomorrow afternoon! She'll be with us for a couple weeks. It'll be amazing to have one of my best girlfriends here with me... WOO! So for now we're staying at the Holiday Inn Express-- it's actually really nice for being so cheap. ^_^

tomorrow-- wake, get Caitlin at the airport.. see the strip stay in vegas again over night and see the vegas strip at night! Probably gonna be the first time I get rocked. I have barely even touched alcohol this entire trip, I havent had more than 1/2 a beer. Not that I drink much anyway... but it's Vegas.. and it's like a rite of passage or something. Hahaha.. wish me luck! on Sunday we ship off to:

-Death Valley
-back over the Hoover Dam
-back into Arizona
-see the Grand Canyon
-then head to San Diego to start our California coast line journey!

Things I can't wait for:

-to see more palm trees than my eyes can handle.
-san francisco
-Red Wood Forest!!!
-Seattle (ummmm hi... music!)
-then back to Idaho to get my car and see my mom again before ---
I'm going going back back to Cali, Caliiii! (anyone who gets that... good. I'm glad. I love Biggie too!)

I'm gonna go watch The Colbert Report and watch him tear apart the presidential debates and Joe the Plumber. hahahahaha

love

Veronica.


When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in,
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed,
And we were dreaming,

There are moments when,
When I know it and
The world revolves around us,
And we're keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, kill for this
You would, you would...

...

I guess I'm having one of those days. We leave for the next part of our trip tomorrow. It's exciting.. but I've got the homesick blues. I don't think that feeling will ever go away. I feel only partially here, and that's a terrible way to feel when you're doing something most people only dream of. I don't know... I just don't know.


the music in my head sounds off.
classic but intense.
soft and sullen.
like a bittersweet memory.
one not soon forgotten.
it remembers
it feels.
it breathes...
and it comes to life every time i close my eyes.

veronica

Like Vanilla Ice says: "word to ya motha."

So-- here's an update for the past few days:

Made it into Yellowstone. We stopped and took pictures next to the big sign that says like "welcome to Yellowstone" and a British couple from California also stopped and we took a picture for them next to the sign. They gave us a 7 day pass into Yellowstone-- which is $25 per car-- but I still had to pay for my car. Gheyy. We gave them a pass to Mt. Rushmore that is good for the whole year. It was a nice little trade. So we drove around Yellowstone all day long. Saw many many many hot springs bubbling up and smelling like sulfur (which if you don't know-- smells like rotten eggs). Any of the springs or geysers that were bubbling were over 212 degrees Fahrenheit .. which if you don't know is the boiling point of water. So... unfortunately there was no touching any of them. It would be ridiculous to do so. I'm not into getting burned. We saw some Ravens which were some pretty interesting birds. They're huge, and pretty... and I was like litteraly a foot and a half away from a couple of them taking pictures of 'em. I think there may have been a bonding moment in there with us.. I named them Ira and Millicent.. not sure if they were boys or girls.. but the names were dubbed none the less.

We also went to see Old Faithful-- the largest geyser in the whole frickin place.. and the most famous. In the parking lot were a couple kids in a car and at one point about 5 or 6 ravens were just chillin on the ground next to their car, and one kid gets out and starts chasing them and yelling, "away you foul beasts!!!" It was hilarious. Old faithful was a grand site to see. I took lots of pictures.. It just steams all the time, and every like 45 mins to hour and a half it goes off. We were lucky to get there only minutes before it went off. It shot water into the air probably a couple hundred feet. Let's just say it was waaaaay over my head.

We camped out for the night at a campsite in Yellowstone. The next day we drove around more taking photos and visiting all the different geysers and hot springs .. got into a little visitors place where they had like little hotels to stay at and a general store.. and we were driving along the road and a group or gaggle or flock or what ever you call a lot of Elk... were there.. just walking along the street. Some asian guy was just in the middle of the side walk taking photos of this huuuge male elk with a HUUUGE rack (antlers not breasts hahaha ^_^) and the male elk started trotting towards him pretty fast, and the guy just stood there. hahaha, if that was me.. well I wouldn't be so stupid as to just be sitting there taking snap shots of wild animals that are unpredictable.. and not of the most friendly nature... either way, I would have RAN the second that guy started trottin up to me. I'm not about to try and befriend a male elk. They are pretty big and burley creatures. The ladies however I rolled down the passengers side window and took some photos of them, they were pretty close... but as soon as they started getting a little closer to the car I had to roll the window up... or rather was yelled at to roll it up. I thought they seemed sweet, but then again I trust animals and people way too easily sometimes. Haha.

We camped out another night at the campsite... and the next day... yesterday in fact we were on the road again by 11 a.m.. We drove all the way into Montana (cause Yellowstone exits out that way...) Then drove into Idaho.. we went and saw the craters of the moon.. which is magma that flowed up from the earth and hardened and formed miles of volcanic rock. It was awesome. Just miles and miles of black rock everywhere. Man I love volcanoes. ^_^

Then we drove all the way to my mommas in Garden Valley, Idaho. We're here now... alex and eric have gone fishing for the day. While I am hanging with the mama, listening to music and making a homemade apple pie! This is DELICIOUS! hahahah :)

in another day or so we'll head out on the rest of our journey.. next up is the four corners (Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona) Then Into Arizona to see the painted desert and the petrified forest. Then to Nevada... Las Vegas... ummm, then down to San Diego and up the west coast to Seattle.. Then back to the mommas to get my car... Then back to Sacramento. It should only be another couple of weeks till I'm in Sacramento. I really want to be there now. However there's still a long way to go.

I'm gonna go finish helping with that pie.

It's like my whole life never happened,
When I see you, it's as if I never had a thought.
I know this dream, it might be crazy,
But it's the only one I've got.

Come baby, shake me, come baby, take me, I would be satisfied.
Come baby, hold me, come baby, help me, my arms are open wide.
I could be unraveling wherever I'm traveling, even to foreign shores.
But I will always be emotionally yours.

Bob.Dylan.Emotionally.Yours.

-Veronica

more on my journey..

So since Ohio-- and I'll make this brief-- cause I'm cataloging everything in a hand written journal-- I've been to these places:

-Indiana.. got a flat. slept in the car overnight at a rest stop. got it fixed. got a GPS.
-Illinois..saw chicago.. pretty neat stuff.
-Wisconsin.. don' cha know! saw a sign for "Cheese, diesel and Fireworks" hahaha
-Minnesota.. saw the Mississippi river. HOLLER! stopped at a rest stop and red a starving kitty some pringles and gave her some water.
-South Dakota.. Made it to the Bad Lands. It was an incredible sight. Had to beware of rattle snakes. EEEP! Went to Mount Rushmore.. also took a tour of a the Natural Cave in Mount Rushmore. It was all naturally hollowed out by water-- so freakin sweet!
-Wyoming.. went through part of the Rocky Mountains today, took TONS of photos cause that was a beautiful sight to see. Made it all the way to about 30 miles from Yellowstone Park-- We're staying at an Inn nestled in the bosom of the mountains. Delicious!

TOMORROWS ITINERARY:
Yellowstone .. possibly camp out in Yellowstone. I can't wait to see Old Faithful. Also I'm extreeeemely excited about the underground super volcanos! yeh, that's right you heeeard me!

To learn more about this super volcano:

go here- http://www.unmuseum.org/supervol.htm

I miss you all... will post photos on my photobucket when I get out to Cali. So-- a few more weeks. Arrevaderci amicis!

-Veronica Ashley

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it’s all about
I wonder what it’s all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it's just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah that’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part

Greetings from Ohio!

So-- we left at 2 a.m. on Saturday the 27th... and drove all night and all morning until around noon on saturday-- stayed at the Hampton Inn hotel in Dubbois, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania was extremely beautiful.. we we definately driving through the Appalachia mountains-- all the leaves are already almost all changed color-- it was incredible and i was so happy to be able to see my fair share of fall foliage! People definately treat people from massachusettes like trash. haha.. everyone was gauking at us like we were aliens from another planet. It's okay though... cause I was looking at them the same way. Everything is waaaaay more slow paced out here. They talk slow, walk slow, and think slow. It is ridiculous. And coming from a person who is all over the place and has ADD and needs to pretty much always be go-go- going... it was slight torture. The beauty of the place brought me back to a centered sort of feeling.

So the next day (Sunday) we headed to Ohio to see Alexs family-- it took us a little over 2 hours.. seeing as how we were only like a little over 100 miles from the Ohio border. We stayed at his aunt and uncles house last night, and will most likely again tonight. As for tomorrow-- we'll be heading off to South Dakota to see the Bad Lands. It should take us roughly 24 hours to get there-- and we're doing 12 hours a day-- so in about 2 days we'll be there. I can't wait to take pictures-- cause I heard that it is quite an amazing and life altering sight. Color me enthused!

So today I've been just thinking about a lot of things.. situations and things left behind.. just been thinking a lot.. and I had a dream last night that left me feeling a little lost. I don't remember what it was about.. but i remember who was in it atleast.. heh. Though I'm happy i'm here, I feel like i've left a piece of me behind.. I guess that's just how the story goes.. nothing can ever be perfect. I know that this is good for me. I just hope that in the end it was all worth it.

time to go metriculate with actual people now.. I'll post more about the trip next time we have internet access... oh-- and if anyone attempts to text me or call-- and I don't get back right away, it's only because I don't have reception where I am. So send me a message on this, or facebook, or myspace. or email me at willow8643@hotmail.com.

I love you,
Veronica.

I love you.. more than you'll ever know.

I don't know what to say... how to say things that are on my mind. It's hard to open up to people when you know you're just going to be leaving them. I finally felt it last night. Something inside me broke last night.. I haven't cried like that in quite some time now. Everything that has been bottled up within the past few months-- came flowing out like molten lava. It was like a slow motion climax in a movie ... where you know this is how it has to be.. and you're pulling at your own heart strings just to make it one more step and say goodbye. But you know the movie ISN'T over yet. I don't want to say goodbye.. I never want to say goodbye. This place, these people.. the love and the happiness that is what I'm taking with me. No matter how far away I am from it or them... I'll always carry it with me. Close to my heart. I feel like I'm leaving my heart here. I know that this is something I need to do. Something for myself... and no one else. I need this, more than anyone could know. I'm scared and I feel alone. That's just something I need to feel, to be. Get on my path, my road. This is my great adventure- my conquest. I don't quite know what life has to hold for me out there.. but I'll find out. I'll figure it out. And when it's all said and done... I'll be a stronger person. I will have an accomplishment in my life that I can look back on and say, "I did that.. I was there. And I made it out ok."

To everyone and anyone who has ever touched my life--

You are and always will be in my mind and in my heart. I'll take our days together and think only the fondest of thoughts, and I won't be sad.. no, I'll be so happy -- because you brought that joy and spark into my life. You taught me how to laugh and love, and to give myself to the world. Be kind to each other. Be there for each other. Cause you know, I would d it for you. I love you all.

you know who you are...


truly yours with love and admiration,
Veronica Ashley.

"I can still feel you... even so far away."

so contagious..

Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected
And I can tell you I've been moving in so slow
Don't let it throw you off too far
Cause I'll be running right behind you

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you with first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously...

-The Acceptance: So Contagious.

what can I say... I'm addicted to music, and these lyrics hit me where it counts. It's time to go pack more...

and listen to this song.. over and over again.

adieu,
Veronique.

The ocean..

September 22. 2008-- 3:30am.

I fell asleep on the couch, on my back. I should have known better. I always have nightmares when I sleep on my back. But this wasn't a complete nightmare, this was mostly a beautiful dream... until the very end. This dream was unreal. It was the most beautiful bittersweet moment I have ever witnessed. It seemed so real. I swear I could feel the ocean breeze, the warmth of the sun on my face, and the man I was with.. my love.

I was on a ship the size of a cruise ship. It was a gorgeous structure that was an opalescent white. It gleamed so brightly against the bright cobalt blue ocean. We were shipping off out of some harbor - maybe out of England, or China. I could see the coast line off in the distance. A perfect little city by the ocean, littered with seagulls. We sailed away to the middle of the ocean. So peacefully. So perfectly..

The sky was the brightest blue I have ever seen. With patches of perfectly puffy white clouds, scattered across the open sky until the horizon swallowed them. I was with him. The perfect man.. I remember sitting down on the top deck of the ship with him. Peering of toward the open water, I saw the most angelic sight. Something so beautiful that it seemed to go by almost as if it was in slow motion. A swarm of Cranes- hundreds of them. These beautiful gray/blue birds gliding through the breeze- so close to the water. The reflections of their bellies on the crests of small waves. I leaned back into him.. and he wrapped him arms around me. It was then in that moment that I felt the most peaceful feeling I've ever felt. This quiet hum of gliding birds, a soft ocean breeze, his arms lovingly wrapped around me. It was like everything in the world stopped for us... and freeze framed this one amazing moment in time where everything was so perfect and nothing else mattered but what was right there. He put his chin on my head and I said gently: "You know what I love most about this?"... He went to answer, "What?", and I saw the world collapsing. The moment was gone. Stripped away, and I could feel the panic rising up with every breath. Out across the ocean... it was like tectonic plates were shifting on the sea floor. There was a circular pattern, like after you throw a rock into a lake. The ship sailed over the wave into the center of this crater like circle. Then just as the ship was coming up over the other side - we cap sized. I felt my body and his tumble toward the ocean. And he was still holding onto me. Tightly..

That's when I woke up. So angry, but so pleased that I got to experience that one beautifully simplistic moment. That freeze frame... a once in a lifetime occurrence. Incredibly bittersweet.


fall around me now,
like stars that shine and brighten the way.
i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain.
the season has changed.
the wind, it blows colder now, colder now.
the clouds are raised,
the rain it falls harder now, all around.

you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight,
just like the ocean needs the waves.

.Veronica Ashley.

Friday! Friday! Fridayyyy!

The events of today:

I awoke around 12:30 pm ... and did not want to get up. I was snuggled up in my bed. Pj's and a sweat shirt on. Cocooned in two big fluffy comforters. Wishing I could just fall back asleep. Onward went the day..

Maxin' and relaxin on the couch watching the good ol' telly-vizIon. Finally, and reluctantly went to my house to clean more of my room and pack more. Hated every moment, aside from Brittanie and I having a circa 1999 dance party in my room to old mixes I had made. BONNNNG!

Cut to Party time. Beer diver.. lots of people duct taping their beers together to form wizard wand towers o' fun. Ha-ha-larious. Lots of pictures, fun and laughs. The I got duct taped. Held down and my knees were duct taped together saran wraped around my chest and my feet duct taped together. The my friends proceeded to put a helmet on me and take pictures... all the while I'm laughing and screaming all at the same time. All in good fun until they stood me up and I freaked out cause the feeling of being imobile and someone else holding you up is slightly terrifying. Haha. So I almost cried and then the took it off cause I pleaded for my life. HAHAHA.

My friend got his lip ring pulled out in a little fun scuffle and then lost the ring down the sink... so we had to take his nipple ring out to replace the lip ring.. and then I fashioned him a new nipple ring out of a paper clip... closing that bitch off was not fun for me or him. It looked like it hurt a lot. OUCH CHAAARLIEEE!

Now-- it's off to enjoy the rest of the evening.

Going to see my dad tomorrow.. that should be ... well... it'll be.

-Veronica Ashley. ^_^

This song made me so incredibly happy last night when I heard it..

Baby, when I think about you
I think about love
Darlin, dont live without you
And your love
If I had those golden dreams
Of my yesterdays
I would wrap you in the heaven
till Im dyin on the way

Feel like makin
Feel like makin love
Feel like makin love to you

Baby, if I think about you
I think about love
Darlin if I live without you
I live without love
If I had the sun and moon
I would give you both night and day
Of satisfy'n

Feel like makin
Feel like makinlove
Feel like makin love to you

And if I had those golden dreams
Of my yesterdays
I would wrap you in the heaven
til Im dyin on the way

Feel like makin love
Feel like makin love
Feel like makin love to you

Bad Company-feel like making love to you


I think I laughed, cried, and smiled all at the same time. This is one of my favorite songs...

-Veronica Vaughn

singing to myself..

Its happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surprise
I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry

I love you

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much to fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow

We were walking there
I had tangles in my hair
But you make me feel so pretty
You have shinning eyes
Yes like those forest lights
And it makes me want to cry

I was just wishing you were here
So we could walk down with to me
And we could throw all our leaves in
Seeing our dragon when we look

I love you

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much to fun
Can we go far away to the humming

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much to fun
This place is so lovely
It kind of makes me very happy
Lets go far away to the humming meadow

To the humming meadow

To the humming meadow...

:Eisley:
:Brightly Wound:

N 64 games

HOLY crap today is a good day. I found Diddy Kong Racing on ebay for $14 WITH FREE SHIPPING! Yeh thats right,I'm a geek.. what of it! So if I order it today I should have it within the week! CHYEAAAAH BUUUDY! So pumped. Also-- the new Eisley album, incredible. I must make that purchase..


On the note of last night:

The thing that hurts most is when friends hurt friends. Drinking and trying to understand someone who is and has been one of your best friends for years is not easy. I feel incredibly useless in the fact that I can do nothing to help them. I don't want it to happen this way. Just before we're about to move away for a little while, people feel neglected and left behind. Emotions and tempers start to flare up. And that's when all hell breaks loose and things like hearts get broken. I don't like it. And all I want to do is fix it... cause that's just in my nature. I want to help anyone I care about, in anyway I possibly can. Because I love.. deeply. If you're in my life, you're a part of me. And always will be... just so you know.

I don't think I've made any sense... any way-- Diddy Kong Racing= BOMB KED.

-V monstaaah.

cleaning

So I'm taking a short break from cleaning... a.k.a-- procrastinating. Who's better than me at procrastinating?! I've been going through my bed room cleaning getting rid of old clothes I don't need and don't even come close to fitting me anymore. Man am I a pack rat. I hate and love that about myself... I hate it because my life gets too cluttered. I love it because I'll find something from years ago that I haven't even thought of in the longest time and it will bring me back to that moment in time, that second of bliss, or pain or that gray area in between. I found an old journal today, with letters and poems. It made me laugh. All the miserable and wonderful things that came out of high school.. ugh. None the less, it made me who I am today, and will power me to be who I want to be in the future.

It's so sad to have to throw away stuff from my child hood. Moving, I've discovered, is a pain in my ass. I have to pack up this crap any how. It just hurts to see things go. My life has changed so much within the past 2 years.. the most change I've ever faced has happened and is happening. I fear change. Yet, I know that change is the only constant in life. I'll deal. I'm strong and passionate and I'll make the most of each situation and hurdle that life has to throw at me. Not because I have to either... but because I want to.

Man I'm a rambler. So it's off to cleaning some more, and rocking out to Van Morrison. It IS "a marvelous night for a moon dance." Hahaha. If you get that, then I appreciate it.

-V.S.-

So.. this is my blog. I'm making a cross country trip and I need a place to write down my thoughts. When you're going to be basically homeless for a month there are bound to be events in life that trigger certain thought processes and those thoughts should be recorded.. if not for you, then for my own piece of mind. This is a little piece of me... so, welcome.


Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-Robert Frost: Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.